Growing with Forgiveness – Why should I forgive you?
There is a famous poem written by Alexander Pope, called An Essay on Criticism, which states in it “to err is humane, to forgive is divine”. This is so true but forgiveness is not easy to do. Forgiveness has been proven by scientists to be one of the things that can lead you to a happier life when reflecting on the past. Holding on to the wrongs that people have done to us or bad things that have happened can make us bitter and stressed. Anne Lemont says in her book “Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts On Faith” that not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. That sounds painful… Forgiveness is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)”. It’s hard to forgive though. I’ve learned to forgive by focusing on what forgiveness is not. It is not saying the offending party was right. It is not even saying that you are good with the other person. It just means letting go of the anger of the offense. This allows you to move on and to not hold on to it. Where do you start though? I started forgiving people by recognizing that there was nothing that I could do to change what they had done to me and realizing that there are also some things that I had done to others, intentionally and unintentionally, that it would be nice to be forgiven for. Then I began to work on forgiving myself for the things that I had done to others. Once I recognized that I wasn’t perfect, I began to realize that others aren’t either. How are you at forgiving yourself and others? What do you do to express your forgiveness?
Paulette
November 18, 2013 at 8:39 pmI remember one day a friend of mine reminded me of a vicious deed that someone very close to me had done to me years ago. I acted as if I had never heard of the incident. Don’t you remember it she said? No, I said I distinctly remember forgetting it. I have learned that true forgiveness is when you can recall an incident but face the person without holding any animosity. AS I ponder the subject of forgiveness, I am led to these words of Jesus, (Matthew 18:21-22); Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Why should you forgive me? Because Jesus forgave you. Ask yourself the question, what would Jesus do? If I profess to be a Christian I must strive to follow the ways of Jesus Christ. I find that when I forgive others and ask for forgiveness a burden is lifted off of me. I can comfortably come into the presence of that person without any feeling of guilt and discomfort. I try to remember to pray for those who dispitefully use me. Let’s all try seeking forgiveness and distinctly remember forgetting the incident. Forgiveness is an everyday journey.
Andy
November 19, 2013 at 8:12 amWell said Paul and I also enjoyed the scriptural account of the manner by which we should forgive others submitted by Paulette.
In the proposition of forgiveness, I think several characteristics become evident. First comes an acknowledgement we cannot control anything but our own reactions to something that acts against us (including our own thoughts and emotions). Second is the realization no one is perfect in this life and all make their share of mistakes including us. Third is the principle of compensation or that we being wholly inadequate to judge others, can trust in God’s eternal and perfect judgment, while forgiving every one of their wrong doings.
There are more but these three are some of the primary ingredients in my experience needing forgiveness. This involves taking what could easily form as a festering wound having an apparent healing balm, which is directed as contempt and the judgment of condemnation towards others or the self. I firmly believe so many good people in this world suffer needlessly because they cannot see that the origin of negativity is ingrained in perceptions, thoughts, and emotions that withhold forgiveness. I am one who understands such patterns intimately well.
Jesus Christ is the greatest example of forgiveness. He has shown unparalleled mercy unto the vilest of sinners and provided the way by His ultimate sacrifice for us to be purged of our sins. Likewise, it is not surprising that the path to release the heavy burdens of our own sins and those committed against us, is to do our best in repenting (ours) and forgiving (others) of them, and giving the rest unto God as the measure of healing power to feel peace that cannot come by any other means to the degree of completing forgetting them over time.
In the end, all the ingredients of forgiveness, though important for us to ponder and act upon, are very difficult in themselves to gain freedom from the bondage of judgment against others. They certainly can help, but we need the grace of God to do what the self, others, and the world cannot muster despite best intentions and efforts. Time may lessen the sting of sins and withholding forgiveness, but they never truly go away without the healing power of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice.
In my experience and the scriptures, it is only when we are ready to submit our will in all humlity unto God’s will and say, “thy will be done” as Jesus did in the garden of Gethsemane, that the passage “thy faith hath made thee whole” given in many accounts becomes operative in our lives. It is in and through this trust that all things are possible, despite that by us alone, they would otherwise remain impossible.
Karen
November 20, 2013 at 10:48 amForgiveness is necessary for our souls. To hold onto a memory that has caused you to be angered or not willing to reconcile with the person is detrimental to your spiritual growth. As long as there is the wall of unforgiveness in your heart and mind you will delay your walk with Jesus Christ. Come and let us reason together means more than my pointing out your wrongs but also my ability to realize my imperfections as well.
Paul
November 20, 2013 at 10:57 amThanks for weighing in Karen.. welcome to a happier life 🙂